Why Do You Think I Never Bet Against Alice?
by hbthegr8
Summary: One night, while Bella sleeps, Edward does what all humans eventually do at some point in their lives... he googles himself. Imagine the complications when he finds out he is the protagonist in America's most popular book series...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This absurd idea came to me during work. Originally, it was supposed to be Edward discovering the Twilight series, reading them, and subsequently, freaking out when he realizes he has to wait for Breaking Dawn. This story is completely unedited, although I**** _would_ like a beta. So, if you think this story needs improving, send me your ideas. I love constructive criticism. Not flames. Again... if you'd like to beta my future stories, as there are bound to be some this summer... send me a message. **

**Summary: One night, while Bella sleeps, Edward does what all humans eventually do at some point in their lives... he googles himself. Imagine the complications when he finds out he is the protagonist in America's most popular book series... **

**Disclaimer: I do not own _Twilight_, or any of its characters or plot lines. Actually, scratch that. I _do _own Edward. Just don't tell Stephenie... or Bella. I also do not own Wikipedia.**

**Here it is, people.**

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**Why Do You Think I Never Bet Against Alice?**

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It was 4:19 am. I glanced over at my bed, where Bella lay sleeping. She hadn't said a word so far, and I had spent the last few hours with her in my arms, matching my breathing with her own. This was one of the last nights we would get to spend together, as Alice insisted the bride and the groom weren't allowed to see each other a week before the wedding. I told her it was ridiculous, and that since we were a decidedly unorthodox couple, we should not have to follow stupid wedding traditions. Anyways, I was sure of the fact that if indeed we _were_ to stick to traditions, we wouldn't be allowed to see each other the _night_ before… but Alice will be Alice. She, of course, knew she was going to win our argument, and I could see that proudly on display in her mind, so I eventually gave up.

Bella turned over, mumbling something incoherent, and I sighed. It had always been frustrating for me, to not know what she was thinking. I almost crawled back into bed with her, but then I remembered there was something I wanted to do first. I sat at my computer in the dark, the Internet browser open to . I stared at the rainbow letters, determined to see what exactly this page had to offer me. Apparently, this was a source of amusement for humans – "googling" their names. I had always wondered what it would be like to see if someone else shared my name… which was entirely possible, since I had been around for quite a while. My curiousity overcame me, and I slowly entered 'Edward Cullen' into the search bar, and dragged my mouse over to hit the search button.

What came next was a complete and total shock. About _**1,490,000 **_results? Of course this was amusing to humans… it made them feel like they were famous. I clicked on the first link, one to a site called Wikipedia, and my jaw dropped to the floor.

"**Edward Cullen** (born **Edward Anthony Masen**) is a fictional character in Stephenie Meyer's _Twilight_ series. He is currently featured in the books _Twilight_, _New Moon_ and _Eclipse_. He will also appear in the upcoming books, also by Stephenie Meyer, _Breaking Dawn_ and _Midnight Sun_, the latter of which will be from Edward's point of view."

This couldn't be right. I was a fictional character? No. This had to be a different Edward… Anthony… Masen… Cullen. It had to be. I'm not ficticious, quite obviously. What were these Twilight books, anyways? I decided to make that my next point of interest. I stayed on this 'Wikipedia' site, as it seemed to be capable of providing useful, if not necessarily correct, information. I typed 'Twilight' into the search bar, and if vampires could faint, I'm sure I would have when my eyes scanned the screen in front of me.

There it was, plain as day.

"_**Twilight**_ is a young adult vampire novel written by author Stephenie Meyer, originally published in hardcover in 2005. It is the first book of the _Twilight_ series, and introduces seventeen-year-old Isabella "Bella" Swan who moves from Phoenix, Arizona to Forks, Washington and finds her life in danger when she falls in love with a vampire, Edward Cullen."

Yep. This was definitely me. And Bella. Wait… Bella. I quickly scanned through the summary the website provided, and broke out into a grin. I would _finally_ be able to know what she was thinking! Or, should I say… had been thinking, as the book only covered the events of last spring. But wait… there was a sequel. And a sequel to that sequel! Were our lives being written as I was searching for them? I had to get my hands on this. _Had to._ Quickly, I found the Forks Public Library homepage, and searched for the first book. Crap. They had 2 copies, both of which were checked out through next week. Definitely couldn't wait that long. I opened a new window, this time for Barnes and Noble, and searched again. They were completely out of stock. Of all three books. How could this be possible? I _needed_ to know what she was thinking. I had gone so long without that luxury, but simply couldn't ignore it once it was put right in front of my face.

_Edward? What's bugging you?_

Jasper's thoughts floated up to me from below. I must have been significantly angry to have Jasper take notice… from downstairs.

I raced out the door to find Carlisle.

"Carlisle," I said calmly, "I need to speak with you."

_Yes, Edward? Jasper said you were a bit… on edge. What's the matter?_

I continued to speak to him out loud. "There's… this… book. Written about me, Bella… our whole family. How is this possible? This… Stephenie Meyer. There is no way she can know our whole _life_."

Carlisle didn't even look puzzled. In fact, he looked almost like he was… gloating.

"You mean 'Twilight'."

_Of course. I've had those books for a couple of years now… can't believe he hasn't noticed._

I just stared. "You… what?

He nodded.

"Why do you think I never bet against Alice?"

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**Review if you want. I won't make you. It'll just make my day to know whether you liked or didn't like this. No pressure, or anything...**

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**A/N: Based on recent reviews, I've posted a poll. I'm not quite sure how you guys access those, maybe it's in my profile or something. Anyways, if you know what I'm talking about, poll it up! (The poll is asking my lovely readers whether I should continue this story... so go vote, and I'll decide!)**


	2. Just a quick author's note!

**A/N: Just a quick author's note...**

Thanks so much to all of my awesome reviewers! Since this was published at 10pm last night, it's already had over 200 hits, and 10 reviews! I'm so proud. Anyways, the general consensus so far is for me to continue with the story. Now here's where you come in. Since this was originally meant to be a one-shot, I have nothing whatsoever on how to continue this. Nothing, as in no direction to take it in, sensible plot line, witty comments... nothing. Believe me, I've tried expanding, and... nothing. You get the picture.

If you want to see this go further, I just need a little of your help by answering these questions. You don't have to answer all of them, just the ones that you think are important. You can send me your answers in a review or in a private message.

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Does Carlisle give Edward his copies of the books? Or does Edward have to wait and find his own way to get them?

Does Bella find out that Edward can now, essentially, read her mind by reading the books?

If she does find out, what should her ideal reaction be? Embarassment?

How does the rest of the Cullen Family react to the existence of the books?

What is the probability that Rosalie will now try to google herself? (That was meant to be funny, of COURSE that's going to happen.)

Obviously, once Breaking Dawn does come out, will Edward get his hands on it?

And if he does... will he go by the book? Or essentially make up his life as he goes along?

Last one...

Should this stay witty and humorous, kind of like a parody, or should it turn serious if the last question is indeed a possibility?

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If you think you have better ideas than the ones mentioned here, PM them to me. Maybe we can co-write this.

I also would like a beta! Pretty please... let me know if you're interested.

**Thanksies! :) I love you guys! For now, next up... an interesting piece that includes all of the random quotes from Breaking Dawn, featured on Ms. Meyer's website. Expect that sometime this evening. **

**Hbthegr8**


	3. Chapter 2

Carlisle really made me angry sometimes. All three books were just _sitting_ there, on the shelf, and he wouldn't let me see them. It's not like he was reading them, or anything. He mentioned something about it not being fair to Bella, but I didn't see it that way. All I saw was the amazing possibility of being able to "read" Bella's mind after going so long without what I usually took for granted. After throwing a minor tantrum about how unfair life was, I decided on going to the bookstore in Port Angeles as soon as it opened, and using my apparent "dazzling" ability to see if I could snag the books from the new shipment, which was supposed to be arriving this morning, before they even hit the shelves.

After pacing around for a couple more hours, contemplating what exactly I would do if I wasn't able to get my hands on the books, I swiftly pulled the Volvo out of the garage and sped along the highway to Port Angeles. I was there in 15 minutes, well before the store was actually open. I was growing steadily impatient when I saw a young girl, around 15 or 16, opening the passenger side door of a rusted, old Toyota Camry that had pulled up along the side of the building. She got out, waving to the driver, who made sure she was inside before he drove off.

I caught the end of her thoughts as she disappeared inside the shop. _…I hate opening the store all by myself…_

I smiled. Good. We were alone, and I would be able to get in and get out with what I wanted without any trouble. All too soon I was pushing the door to the shop open, just mere seconds after she had unlocked it, and I heard her thoughts complaining at the prospect of such an early customer.

"Hello," she mumbled wearily, not bothering to face me just yet, "how can I help you?"

"I'm looking for the Twilight books, by Stephenie Meyer," I cut to the chase.

"We're all out." _There's a new shipment in the back, I think, but I don't feel like walking all the way back there._

"That's too bad. Do you know when the next shipment is coming in?"

She hesitated, finally turning around to face me, and her thoughts suddenly went into overdrive. _Is that? No… it can't be. But he's exactly like I pictured him! You don't run into that god-like perfection every day, especially in this town. Stop it, Haley, you're too obsessed with those books. You're hallucinating. Now, deep breath, he's probably looking at you like an idiot because you haven't answered his question. SHIT! If he really is who I think he is, he knows what I'm thinking! Shit, shit, shit. _

By this time, the blonde girl had gone completely red in the face, and I couldn't help but chuckle softly. She didn't realize how ironic this situation was.

"Um, well, it-I mean, I think…" she swallowed nervously, "I can go check in the back." _They better be back there. I don't want to waste all of this precious time when I could be ogling… Haley, stop it! He's fictitious, it can't be him anyways, and why would he be buying his own book? _

I stifled another chuckle. If she didn't think she was crazy, I would have been worried at the fact that she knew so much.

"Thank you," I replied in a smooth voice, trying to keep the dazzling to a minimum. She was already freaked out enough as it was.

She returned a moment later, a copy of all three books in her hands. Wow. That was easy. Carlisle will be disappointed; he was hoping these books would be hard for me to get my hands on.

I took the books into my hands, beaming at her. Dazzling was turned on full-force now. She almost fell backward.

"Thank you, you have no idea how much I've wanted to read these," I told her, walking smoothly toward the door.

"Sir?" she called out after me. _Just because he's Edward Cullen, doesn't mean he can just take the books and walk out, I mean I know money isn't an object to his family but please. Who does he think he is?_ Her thoughts followed soon after.

Right. In my excitement, I had forgotten to pay.

"My apologies, I forgot." I grinned, turning down the dazzling a notch. There was no need for her to think that I was actually Edward Cullen, at least now that I had my hands on the books.

"R-right," she stammered, taking my debit card I had handed to her, being extra cautious so as to not brush her hand while doing so. If she even touched it for a second and found that it was ice cold, I was sure I would have to call Carlisle, because she probably would drop dead on the floor.

I quickly paid and left, the bell tinkling softly as I exited.

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**Edward now has his hands on the books. What will Carlisle think? How will he hide them from Bella? Most importantly, what havoc will this story wreak in future chapters? **

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**A/N: Many of you guys had conflicting ideas, so I tried my best to combine them. If yours didn't show up in this chapter, it most likely will in future chapters. Speaking of future chapters, I don't feel so great about this one, so I need positive reviews in order to continue!**


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